Rev. David Holwick ZF Family Improvement #3
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
October 3, 2004
Colossians 3:12-15
HARMONY IN YOUR HOME
I. Harmony, the elusive goal.
A. How many have "Ozzie and Harriett" families?
1) I am dating myself - show was popular in the 50s and 60s.
2) But everyone is familiar with the concept:
a) Father is wise.
b) Mother is loving.
c) Children get along with each other.
d) All their problems (always minor) are solved in
30 minutes.
B. Normal families have issues.
1) Our personalities clash and our words can be cutting.
2) There is stress over the moral decisions our kids make.
3) The world provides some of our biggest issues.
a) We are driven to acquire more stuff.
b) We get sucked into a busyness that keeps us away from
each other.
c) We must be careful that the issues don't drive a
permanent wedge.
C. Don't worry about perfection - just learn to get along.
1) No perfect family exists. Not even in a church.
2) Imperfect people can still live in harmony.
3) It is one of the greatest secrets of Christianity.
II. Harmony begins with a spiritual focus.
A. God chooses us.
1) How do you know if you've been chosen?
2) Accept it in faith.
B. We are to be holy because we are loved.
1) Holy - root meaning is to be set apart for God's service.
a) It is not so much perfection as commitment to God.
2) God loves us.
a) Even before we are holy or even religious.
b) While we are sinners - enemies of God - he initiates
his love for us.
c) Because of God's love for us, we can learn to love
one another.
C. Seek the salvation of your family members.
1) You won't be a team, until you are on God's team.
2) He will give you common values and an eternal goal.
III. Clothe your family in Christian virtues. [Barclay]
A. Compassion.
1) Note that every one of these virtues has to do with
interpersonal relationships.
a) God is giving us the solution of the problem of
living together.
2) Paul begins with compassion.
a) It involves empathy, caring for the hurts of others.
b) Compassion is something we feel inside us, before
we express it to others.
c) Compassion has a special focus on those who are weak,
or sick, or old.
d) Show your family you care for them because of who they
are, not because of what they can do for you.
B. Kindness.
1) Combines goodness, kindliness and graciousness.
2) The ancient writers defined kindness as the virtue of the
man whose neighbor's good is as dear to him as his own.
C. Humility.
1) It has been said that humility was a virtue created by
Christianity.
2) In ancient Greek, the word "humble" always had the tinge
of servility - a groveling, cringing attitude.
3) Christian humility is based on idea God is greater than we
are, and all people stand on an equal footing before him.
4) Quote by Norman Vincent Peale - "Humble people don't think
less of themselves ... they just think about themselves
less."
D. Gentleness.
1) Opposite of arrogance and self-assertiveness.
2) It considers the rights and feelings of others.
3) It is a characteristic of Christ (Matt 11:29),
a fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:23),
and a distinctive trait of Christians (Matt 5:5).
E. Patience.
1) Self-restraint that enables us to bear injury and
insult without resorting to retaliation.
2) It is an attribute of God and a fruit of the Spirit.
3) Don't fly off the handle at each other, especially your
kids.
IV. Open your eyes to your own failings.
A. Bear with each other.
1) Our goal is family unity, not unanimity.
2) How to defuse conflict, by Dan Baty:
a) Keep short accounts. [love keeps no record of wrongs]
b) Speak honestly. [openness is difficulty in Japan]
c) Remember that your view is your view.
d) Commit to self-examination.
e) Remember the Lord.
B. Forgive grievances.
1) Marriage & Family counselors say there are three stages to
getting through a conflict:
a) Stage One is Recognition. "We have a problem."
Many people have a hard time getting to stage one --
"What problem? We don't have a problem."
The first indication of that problem is when the
person walks out.
b) Stage Two is Reaction. "It's worse than I thought."
That's the painful stage.
That's the stage when the emotions come out and maybe
some voices are raised, some tears are shed.
c) Third is Resolution. "What are we going to do about it?"
Come up with constructive ways to solve the problems.
Sermon #16946
2) One of the best conflict-solvers is forgiveness.
a) Learn to forgive like God forgives.
b) Forgiveness works.
Three years ago, researchers at the University of Michigan studied
forgiveness scientifically.
According to sociology professor David R. Williams, "Forgiveness is
not just a theological concept, but is one that has direct
consequences for health and function,"
They found that those in their 40s and older enjoy better mental
and physical health through forgiving others.
Forgiveness has several angles, and they discovered an interesting
twist.
They discovered that more people had forgiven themselves and believe
God had forgiven them, while fewer had forgiven others or sought
forgiveness for harm they have done.
Certain kinds of forgiveness are more forgiving.
For example, forgiving oneself and forgiving others, really letting
go of resentment and giving up trying to get even, appear to
bring better mental health, the study showed.
But people who pray for those who hurt them, and actively seek
God's forgiveness, seemed to do less well.
Maybe sometimes we want God to do our dirty work for us - he can
forgive our enemies, but we won't.
The health benefits of forgiveness are more pronounced among
people 45 and older.
Dr. Williams noted that there's a certain perspective and wisdom
that people gain as they get older.
Forgiveness fundamentally has to do with bringing resolution to
conflicts and past hurts.
People who have lived longer may be more aware of their mortality
and the need to repair and maintain relationships.
We sometimes lose sight of how quickly time passes.
People are so future-oriented, and they think they'll forgive
someone in the future, but then the opportunity passes.
Older people realize it's not worth the sacrifice of time to have
a broken relationship.
#22024
V. Love is the ultimate glue.
A. Love binds the other virtues together.
1) Tell each other you love them.
2) Show each other you love them.
B. Love gives you unity.
The Gilded Age, a time when a few individuals amassed tremendous
fortunes, was powered by a great industrial surge.
This created a huge demand for metals like zinc, tin, copper,
and lead.
No one was more successful at making money from metals than the
Guggenhims.
They were a family of Jewish immigrants from Aargau in
German-speaking Switzerland.
By 1914 the family controlled 75-80% of the world's silver,
copper and lead, and could fix output and prices at will.
When his boys were young, Meyer Guggenheim assembled them and
gave each a stick to break.
He then put together seven sticks that nobody could even bend,
emphasizing that individually each was fragile but together
they were invincible.
#3182
VI. Let Christ's peace rule.
A. We were called to peace.
B. Be thankful, too - give God the credit.
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
William Barclay, "Colossians."
# 3182 "Seven Sticks That Nobody Could Bend," by Alexis Gregory, from
the book "Families Of Fortune: Life In The Gilded Age," 1993,
page 70.
#22024 "Forgiveness: Good For Your Health And Holidays?" by Lisa Klionsky,
Ann Arbor News; http://aa.mlive.com/news/index.ssf?/news/stories/~
20011225ac1tueforgive25.frm; December 25, 2001.
Sermon #16946 "Foundations For a Healthy Family #2," by Rev. Dan Warkentin,
Discovery Church; Mennonite Brethren; Pitt Meadows, British
Columbia, Canada, http://www.discoverychurch.net/
These and 25,000 others are part of a database that can be downloaded,
absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/illust.html
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